Looking for harmony.

Lately, I've been struggling with having a bad mood, being sad, the thought that nobody likes me and the world is unjust. Actually, when I came to think more deeply about all this I noticed that it's kept up with me since I finished my secondary school studies and it started to graduate.

For the main factor of these troubles, injustice, total physical, emotional and psychological disharmony I blame the negative energy. It's simple: we're being exposed to positive and negative energies in our lives and it's only up to us which one we perceive and receive. I nearly stopped to realize the presence of former one and let the the latter one take over me. Sometimes I don't understand my feelings and my actions. I find myself thinking about what I do and realize that I would never do it. This can be best seen in my contact with people. I never took offence at having made funny remarks about me and now the least will do to get me mad about it all. I know that it's all fun, I know that there's no reason to get upset but I do and hate myself for that. I am always trying to get by with people and I'm open to help them. However, sometimes I "surrender" since many a time I get what I would not deserve for my kindness and will. This is where my expactations do the bad thing. My expactations might be another significant thing. I've started to expect much from the others, my friends, classmates or even my girlfriend. She worries me the most as she tries to show me that she trusts me, supports me and loves me the best way she can but I, moron, expect so much from her that I can't see what she really does for me! I learnt that expactations can bring no luck to one's life for they bring either nothing, in case that the thing we expected finally happened, or worse, what we expected didn't happen. Off with them! I'm getting disgusted with myself, mainly the way I act and also the way I think about stuff. There are many other things not currently coming to my mind...

Why is it so? Well, I myself give a credit to dropping my interest in higher things...I used to practice meditation, read the books about Eastern religions, namely Tibetan lamaism. I was som uch fascinated with these things that I burried almost all the roots of christianity that I had been taught to. I didn't regret it. Neither do I now. When I started my university studies my spare time was so narrowed that I barely could find some time for this. If you want to take up mysticism, studies of life, death, and beyond one need free time, some place where they can be alone with their thoughts, and patience. I hope I will get back to this for it's one of things that worries me: I know my problem, I know how to solve it but I don't try to do a thing to change it! Never would I have thought that I end up like this. I'm looking forward to the moment when I will read the encouraging words by Dr. T. L. Rampa...

OMG! It has to be really serious with me when I could produce such a thing like this!

Hello World!

I couldn't resist the my temptation any longer so I finally decided to establish my own blog. This whole blog thing is getting more and more fashionable and popular each day. I don't yet know what content this blog is going to include. As this is my first post, having the introductory purpose, the next one might be about me, or I don't know, it may be whatever. I'll let myself surprised!